I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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