1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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