first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
