your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I love you.
Bad choice
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
