Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
