when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
