I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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