I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
