HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
