we have pet lesbian snakes
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
