so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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