Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We have started to decorate penises.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
