pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just forgot I was standing up.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
