Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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