I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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