yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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