You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
