today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
