I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just had sex bonerless
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
