Already got asked if we're dating
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
