somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
