I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
