yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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