Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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