K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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