Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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