people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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