We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
