Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
