shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
