And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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