No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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