youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
