Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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