Umm I'm too high to move.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
