Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
