I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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