I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
