this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
