I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
