i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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