If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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