We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Nicole vs. Life
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
