So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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