The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I will be naked everywhere
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
