I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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