Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
