so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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