I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
