You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
