Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
