I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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