And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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