Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
