You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
