If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
