And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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