Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
