Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
