I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
