How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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