my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize