Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
