after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Terrible idea I love it
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
