I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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