one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wish you could order shots online.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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