I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
