apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
