awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
