I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
