Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
