Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
