plz talk dirty to me
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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