I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
