I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
