yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We are two peas in an std pod
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
