How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
