its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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