i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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