kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Is Oprah even human
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
