Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
