Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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