Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
