In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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