who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize