He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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