My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
