So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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