And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
