Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
