please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
