where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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