is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
