Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
