I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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