Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
