those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
