I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
