just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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